Wednesday, February 10, 2010

We don't wake up looking like this.

"It takes a lot of money to look this cheap!" -- Dolly Parton

Few women are natural beauties. Sad, but true. Movies and television would have men believe that we roll out of bed with sexy, tousled hair and perfect skin. The reality--which you may have already discovered--is much less glamorous.

We women go to great pains to create the illusion of natural beauty. In addition to the obvious application of makeup and fixing of the hair, we do all of our plucking, waxing, exfoliating, shaving, tinting, dying, tanning, and moisturizing behind closed doors. Even the most beautiful woman will do most of these things in private in order to maintain her femininity.

"But wait!" you say, "My girlfriend doesn't do any of that and she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." Suuuure. Is your girlfriend a supermodel? No? Well, then either you have very forgiving taste in women (which is awesome of you, by the way), or she is hiding it from you (which you should be thankful for). If you don't believe me, hide her tweezers from her and find out what happens. I guarantee you that either another set will magically appear or you will soon be dating Burt from Sesame Street.
Even if your wife or girlfriend DOES roll out of bed looking beautiful, it's likely as a result of all the effort she put in behind the scenes.

In the beginning of a relationship, many women will go to extreme measures in order to keep their boyfriend from seeing their flaws. Some will even wake up while it's still dark out, put makeup on, then go back to bed just so that when their man wakes up next to them, they look perfect. Yeah, it's stupid, and it usually stops after some period of time together, but it's definitely something that we women have been known to do.

Why is this stuff important for men to know? Because it would be nice if you would appreciate all the hard work we put into keeping ourselves attractive for you. It is a job in itself, and if you start taking it for granted, there is a chance that she may start letting a few things go. Also, if you are bankrolling her beauty routine, it's best just to let her spend what she needs and not ask questions. This is one area you don't want to know about, she doesn't want to tell you about, and you'd be better off just leaving alone.

Be thankful that you've got someone who cares enough to keep the illusion of beauty alive for you and appreciate it. But please, if she ever goes into a coma, don't say I didn't warn you!


  1. My wife wakes up with puffy eyes and lips, curls going crazy all over her head, pillow wrinkles etched into her face, oversized woollen socks falling down around her ankles, a gollum-like posture and a complete lack of verbal skills. She is the most adorable thing I've ever seen.

  2. Just found your blog. This is awesome. Keep it up ;)